It’s my blog and I can whine if I want to

33 week bump! Still Looking on the bright side and feeling good

If you don’t want to read the ramblings of a very unhappy, cranky pregnant woman this is probably a post you’ll want to skip.  Since you have now been adequately warned here goes… I am huge and miserable!! I feel like a giant bloated tick! ( I did try to find a giant bloated tick, so you could see the similarities, but no such luck)  Nothing I do is making it any better. My back is about to break in half, my feet are so swollen they are hard to recognize  as feet (when I can actually catch a glimpse of them). I need assistance  to get my self off the couch and I am just plain grumpy. I am usually a very even-tempered woman, and I hate to feel out of sorts. It makes me even more grumpy. If that’s possible. The worst part of this whole thing is I still have a week until my due date. By that time when I finally do go into labor I’m pretty sure Craig will have to roll me into labor and delivery because I long ago reached the lumbering stage and am quickly surpassing it.. Kinda like the fat kid on Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. (I know that was politically incorrect, but I don’t care I feel a certain kinship with him at the moment).

I’m pretty sure this child (I’m not sure she’s baby sized anymore) is approximately 32 inches long and about 17 lbs. She is sitting under my ribs so that sitting down, or such unnecessary things like taking a breath are not only difficult but painful. She is also laying directly on my bladder. Where she likes to roll back and  forth. Any type of consistent bladder control long ago left my life. I’m seriously thinking of taking stock out in Depends undergarments. And I’m not even embarrassed about this anymore, I just simply don’t care. I don’t care about anything any more, I don’t feel like knitting, eating is a challenge because there is no room for it, going any where requires so many trips to the bathroom I’m afraid store employees are going to think I have concocted an elaborate cover-up for a terrorist plot. I have 2 maternity tops that still cover my belly and don’t make me look like Baby Hughey. I refuse to buy more.

39 weeks! What bright side? I feel like I have the gestational cycle of an elephant!

For awhile I was able “to look on the bright side” i.e. I’ve felt really good for most of my pregnancy, I can go to bed when I want, get up when I want, and largely sleep through the night. That ones not cutting the mustard anymore because I’m up at least every 2 hours going to the bathroom anyway. I am no longer able to be philosophical about it, I just want this baby and I want it NOW!!!


I also seriously think I wished this on myself.  Her dad is the sweetest, kindest most easy-going person I have ever met and the true love of my life. So of course I have been hoping that she would have his personality. I failed to consider his single bad quality. He is a procrastinator of Olympic proportions and he hates change. Ok so that’s 2 qualities. But the change thing is (in my humble opinion) a largely male quality.

It has also occurred to me that she is waiting for us to come up with a name. The fact that she is still nameless is not for lack of trying.  We found out the gender back in March and have been diligently trying to come up with the perfect name since. We have a few we like but none that seem like the one. Sometimes I get so discussed I think what does it matter Mabel or Mergatroid she’ll hate it anyway by the time she’s 12.

That's 95,001 names, yes I realize there is overlap, but still.

Helpful people (read family and friends) are calling me daily to check on my status (Are you still here? Are you sure you don’t feel anything? And my personal favorite ” You’ll go tonight” that based on nothing more than they’d like me to go tonight). This makes me feel like I’m letting everyone down by not having produced said child in a timely fashion.

Then there is the “helpful” do it yourself labor induction advice. None of it (take my word for it, this is my 5th pregnancy) works unless the baby and your body are ready. I have yet to try the “midwife’s cocktail” but starting out labor with a seriously nasty bout of diarrhea just doesn’t sound like the best laid plan. Although I may rethink that in a couple of weeks time. A guy Craig works with even offered to… ahem… help break my water, because it happened with his wife. (I think this maybe one of his single biggest accomplishments in life, since he keeps offering) Tempting, but definitely NOT. That one I will not rethink in a couple of weeks time.

Even my youngest daughter is trying to be helpful by book marking page after page of ” natural labor induction techniques”.  I’m not sure I’m entirely comfortable with her extensive knowledge on the subject. It has however occurred to me that this may be the single best form of future birth control/abstinence advice she can get. All without me saying a word.

Now this brings me to my Dr. appointment yesterday. I must admit what I was seriously hoping for was ” Holy cow you don’t feel anything? Why you’re 7 centimeters dilated, let’s get you over to the hospital and have this baby now!” Needless to say that didn’t happen, but there was some changes so at some point (in the next 2 weeks) she should make an appearance. That leaves me roughly where I was before my appointment. Sigh


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